World Cake

One day I took the cake mix
from the box.
There I was: god-like, Creator.
To this leaven I added the egg people
and the milk people
and the people of the butter...
I mixed it.
Blended all the people of the world, and cake,
together within the mix,
a greyish, harmonious mush.
Then, I poured it into a pan.
Then, I preheated the oven to 325.
Then, I put the cake into the tiny, hot oven.
Then, I lay down, pleased with my creation.
Then, I fell asleep. . . and dreamed.
Four hours later I awoke,
Pulled the smoking, charred wreckage from the oven,
Threw the whole mess in the trash and
Thought to myself; “What the heck.
“It’s just a stinkin’ cake.”

Real Monopoly

Section 1: To begin, each player rolls both dice.
A: The player with the highest roll is designated

“Fortunate Son,” (or “Daughter”) and

is immediately awarded half of the money in the bank

and three-fourths of all property deeds.

B: The Fortunate Son receives $10,000

each time he or she passes “Go”

C: The player with the lowest die roll is designated

“Trailer Trash,’ receives no money to begin,

and collects $100 for passing “Go.”

Section 2: “Attorney’s Fees”
A: At any time any player may pay $2500

to the “Free Parking” kitty to hire “attorneys.”

B: The player then announces,

“I am pulling a string.”

and may choose one change in play,

including, but not limited to,

Alpha: altering the roll of the dice,

Beta: ignoring the Chance or Community Chest cards,

Gamma: claiming the “Free Parking” kitty, or

Delta: appropriating another player’s

money or property deeds.

C: If at any time a player objects to the advantages

of the Fortunate Son, that player

can be immediately accused of

“Fomenting Class War”

and sent to jail for

the remainder of the game.

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